Star Wars is a series of movies written by George Peppard concerning the voyages of the Starship Enterprise. This is NOT to be confused with the Jefferson Starship which Thomas Jefferson invented that took Lance Armstrong to the moon and made them good girls go bad, memoralized by his immortal words "Thats one small step for MAN now get these monkey fighting cobras off my monday to friday plane."
The Main Plot is divided into six movies. Try to collect them all!
Episode 1: The Phantom Menace Edit
In A.D. 2101, war was beginning. There was only one person that could stop it, and that was the Jedis. They are engaged in a turf war with the mighty Siths, led by Emperor Palestine (religion of peace my a@@). However the Jedis discover there is a boy with a power level of 912 named Anakin Skywalker. He is the chosen one. Together with Jar Jar Brinks these 2 rascals must take on the darkside. But first Quim Jonn Il must fight Darth Maul in a winner takes all no holds barred option match with Obi has his tag team partner. See the match by ordering Starcade now.
"Are you an angel? Did it hurt..when you fell from heaven? Did you wash your pants in windex because I can see myself in them." - Anakin
Episode 2: Attack of the ClonesEdit
Anakin marries the queen Amidala (played by Keira Knightly) and trains under Obi Wan Kenobi (NOT Obama Wan Kenoba) (played by Christian Bale) . The fact that Anakin is an Independent who knows that Tuscan raiders need to be wiped out doesnt sit well with the Jedis who are basically the United Nations and a bunch of peacenik loosers. Therefore they try to hold him down. Meanwhile a bunch of clones attack.
"Yeah I killed women and children. Ive killed just about everything that walks or crawls at one time or another. And Im here to kill you Little Bill, for what you did to Ned." - Anakin
"Hold me if I'm dying like you did by the lake on Naboo...and vice versa ok? - Padme
Episode 3: Return of the SithEdit
The Empereor becomes Anakins friend and uses him to kill Count Dracula. Then Mace Hindu (played by Morgan Freeman) tries to intervene and Anakin kills him in self defense. Dont wanna get lightsabered dont break into a white mans house it's pretty simple. Then Anakin turns to the Dark Side. He....kills younglings. Then Obi Wan cuts off his limbs and teaches him a valuable lesson: you do NOT mess with the Obiwan.
"But you were the chosen one! How could you turn out to be so gay?" - Obi Wan
"I am NOT gay" - Anakin
Episode 4: A New Hope Edit
Many years later Anakin has become Darth Vader (voiced by Morgan Freeman). He has wiped out almost all of the Jedi, except for Obi Wan (now played by Alex Guinness) and Yoda (Danny Devito). He captures Princess Leia who sends a hologram in a robot to Obi Wan. "Help me Obi Wan, you're my only hope" she says while staring at her sword. Luke Skywalker finds the robot and brings it to Obi Wan, and they decide to help her. So they hire Hand Solo and he flies the Starship Enterprise which made the Kessel Run in under 12 parsecs. They break Leia out and the adventure begins! They blow up the DeathStar Galactica because Luke used to bullseye womprats in his t-16 which are no bigger then 2 meters. However they bid a sad farewell to Obi Wan who somehow disappears when he is killed.
"I dont deserve this..to die like this. I was going to go to Tachi to get some power converters!" - Luke
Hand Solo: "I live my life a quarter parsec at a time."
C3PO: "I suggest a new strategy r2. Let the N***** win"
Episode 5: The Empire Strikes Back Edit
The Empire strikes back (good movie) by focusing all there resources on the rebel alliance. Luke is almost killed by a wampa and then sleep inside the belly of a tauntaun at Hoth. Chewbacca shook his fury fist. Luke trains with Yoda as his sensei but decides hes had enough of waxing his cars and painting his fence and decides to fight Vader now. He gets his han cut off and meanwhile Hand is frozen and delivered to Java the Hut after a betrayal by Morgan Freeman. Long story short Vader is Lukes father, it turns out them both being named Skywalker was NOT a coincidents. And Leia is his sister? Sick. Incest is what gay marriage will lead to.
Darth Vader: "No. I am your father. I should've raised you but I'm black so of course I abandoned you. Welcome to Obamas America"
Maury Povich: "Vader....you ARE The father"
Episode 6: Revenge of the JediEdit
Luke has no hand, and Hand is missing. He never thought he would miss a hand so much. It seems the rebel alliance is all but done. However they decide they can rebuild Luke, they have the technology. So they outfit him with a new hand using an old Nintendo power glove. They then need to rescue Hand. They go to Java and declare war on the Sarlocc. Leia kills Java with autoerotic asphyxiation and the crew is reunited for one last shot at Vader. They enlist the help of some Ewoks and then Luke boards Vaders ship and cuts his hand off Old Testament style. The Emperor orders him to finish the job and take his fathers place at his side. Luke says "I DONT want your life" and throws a football directly at Vader. Enraged, the Emperor begins to use Grease Lightning on Luke and Vader throws Palestine down the well so his country can be free. Finally the Star Wars are over. They were the second bloodiest wars in history after World Wars 1 and 2.
"I love the power glove. Its so bad." - Luke
"Let the hate flow through you. No hate like liberal hate" - Emperor Palestine
Star Wars today isnt just movies but also books and a whole universe which disproves the Big Bang theory. Some people go to Star Wars conventions dressed like Spock or whatever. There was even a TV show called Starwars SG1 which concentrated on what happened after they went through some portal or something.
Luke Skywalker - Mark Harmon
Princess Leia - Carrie Fisher
Hand Solo - Harrison Ford
Young Anakin - Christian Bale
Old Anakin - also Christian Bale (he aged 20 years for the role) - voiced by Morgan Freeman
Morgan Freeman - Billy Dee Williams
Mace Hindu - Morgan Freeman
Boba Fett - David Prowse
Chewbacca - Morgan Freeman
Quim Jonn Il - Liam Neeson
Young Obi Wan - Christian Bale
Old Obi Wan - Alex Guiness
Emperor Palestine - Yassir Arafat
C3p0 - Joan Rivers
And introducing Omnibot as R2D2