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275px-Randy-Moss 8-28-09 Patriots-vs-Redskins-1-

When Moss grabs you with those metal claws you cant break free, because there made of metal, and robots are strong

Randall Gene Moss (created February 13, 1977) is a robot-human hybrid built to be the ultimate football player. He was portrayed by Will Smith in I am Robot.

Early years Edit

Moss grew up in Rand, a city out in the wild, WILD West Virginia ghettos. Here he was involved in a horrible accident. However scientists decided they could rebuild him, they had the techonology due to finding it in some rubble. So cyberdyne systems rebuilt Moss at a cost of six million dollars straight cash homey, and he became part man, part machine, all wideout. However Moss still retained memories of being a black man, so he committed a hate crime on a white student and went to jail. He was going to go to Notre Dame but because of this (and also they found out he wasnt really Irish) they said he had to go to FSU instead and hang out with all the thugs.

College Edit

At FSU Moss again had memories of being black, and smoked marijuana. So he got kicked off the team and went to Marshall instead. Here Moss was unable to smoke due to Marshall law. Not being slowed down by the drug use that makes all athletes bad at sports, Moss excelled and became the greatest cyborg player ever. He was able to put six degrees of separation between himself and any defender, degrees in this case being yards. He had a million yards recieving and also scored 300 touchdowns in one game.

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Moss telling Tom Brady "I had sex with your wife"

NFL Edit

Moss was drafted by the Minnesota Vikings and immediately dominated the entire league and ended the career of every single cornerback. Deion Sanders tried to kill himself after being told he would have to cover Moss. With the Vikings he was known as one of the NFLs bad boys but he set many records and recieved many honors. Perhaps his greatest honor was becoming the enemy of the statesman and noted faggot Joe Buck, who voiced his disapproval of Moss doing a moon. After this Minnesota had to trade Moss to appease Buck, and the Vikings sent him to the Oakland Raiders who are literally men in black uniforms who lose every game. In Oakland Moss needed to have his robotic parts replaced because it had been like 5 years (he was made in America) but Al'Davis would NOT pony up the bucks so Moss slowed down and almost expired. However the Raiders sent him to the Patroits for a 4th round pick (good deal). In New England Moss restructured his contract and came to training camp with seven pounds of extra muscle. He then scored the most touchdowns in a season ever and the Patroits went undefeated, much like American patroits went undefeated in the 2009 midterm elections. Although the Patroits LOST (good show) the Super Bowl to the Giants, one thing is for sure, the American patroits will NOT lose the super bowl of freedom which is Michelle Bachmann's tea party. It will truly be the Independents day to shine as we declare are natural rights of life, liberty and the persuit of happiness as promised by are founding fathers such as George Washington, Thomas Jefferson and John Handcock. In 2010 Moss began to complain about his roll in the offense although he steadfastly maintained he wasnt here to start any trouble [1] he just here to do the Superbowl shuffle. However the Patroits remembered what happened the last time they did the Superbowl shuffle so they shipped him back to Minnesota so that Brett Farve could finally get some completions. Soon after, Moss was involved in an incident where he refused to feed his dog gourmet fare. His dog has quite the pallette, and can actually tell that beggin strips are not bacon, so Moss doesnt even try to fool him. However this incident led to Moss being cut. He was then picked up by the Tennessee Titans where his stats indicate he immediately retired.

Personal life Edit

Like me, Moss loves fishing and NASCAR. Even though he never got hitched he also has kids just like I do, and I bet if you come anywhere near his kids he will literally kill you to death just like I will do if you come anywhere near my daughter. I'm mainly talking to you Joe Buck. All I know is that this time you will really see a disgusting act as I am legendary for my descriptions of what I will do to people who come near my daughter and I will literally do them. Moss was also featured on the cover of NFL2K1. His favorite movie might be The Legend of Baggar Vance, all though maybe it isnt I dont really know. But isnt it frightening that Im the only whos asking the question. Also he is STRAIGHT. STRAIGHT cash homey.

ReferencesEdit

[1] http://www.bostonherald.com/blogs/sports/rap_sheet/index.php/2010/09/12/patriots-wr-randy-moss-speaks-loudly-i-dont-think-im-being-appreciated/

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