Early life Edit
Laden was born into luxury and comfort in Saudi Arabia, a country in the Middle East. In fact he was literally born with a silver spoon in his mouth to a wealthy businessman. He went to all the best Western schools, and at some time during his education he met an Americin girl while on holiday in Cancun or whatever. It looked like they were going to hook up and he even poured roofie in her drink to make sure. However when she saw how small his penis was she was literally rolling in the aisles. She told everyone you could only see it with a microscope because it was literally micro, telling every other girl within earshot. From this day Laden decided he wanted to destroy America, and knowing that that girl would probably grow up to be a suburban soccer mom like they all do he deliberately decided to target civilians. He married his first wife when he was 17 but he knew he could marry others so it was no big deal and almost like still being a bachelor.
Terrorist Attacks Edit
Laden became a terrorist and the head of Al'Quinta. He began to suicide bomb everything in sight. Even though he was literally just a sand man walking around in his sandals and riding camels, no one did anything because I guess bombing countries to take out terrorist groups that live there wasnt "PC'. So this guy was allowed to keep living in his village or cave or whatever and read Arabian Nights in peace while the attacks literally began to pile up. Additoinally, the liberals around this time declared a War on Christmas and Laden thought it would be a good time to launch his own attack and America would have to fight on BOTH fronts, and that way after the liberals eliminated Christmas he could make us all celebrate Ramadan instead.
Noticing that Bill Clinton was basically just sleeping with interns and getting high at parties without inhaling and NOT paying attention to security, Laden knew that he could get away with something big and he had to do it before George W Bush was really President. So he decided to have the 9/11 attacks NOT on Bushs watch but on Clintons watch. He carried them out and killed an estimated 1 million people, or 1% of the amount who showed up that the 9/12 tea party literally 8 years later. A super 8 years if I may so myself, as thanks to Bush we had NO terrorist attacks on his watch. We have already had like 7 under Obama, who spent his first 100 days in office golfing.
On the run Edit
After Bush decided to attack him there was literally nowhere for Osama to run or hide. So he ran to a mountain and hid for the next few years taking up residence in a cave and occasionally making videos which were NOT HD quality. Although some troops tried to find him by playing Marco Polo when they passed by the cave and Laden said Polo they couldnt really tell where it was coming from because of the echo. No one knew where the sound was originating so they didnt catch him, but it didnt really matter anyway. Also he probably died.
Obama would never confront his Saudi masters so if Laden is still allive hes going to stay that away at least until 2012, then we can get Sarah Palin in office and she will hunt this Saudi raghead down herself because he looks like a wolf and shes good at shooting them.