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250px-Bill Clinton-1-

Literally a bastard

William Jefferson Clinton (born August 19, 1946) was the 42nd President of the United States. He is one of only two presidents to ever be inpeached, and the only president to ever commit open perjury. He tossed women around like a football, literally tore up the Constitution, and singlehandedly brought America to the brink of destruction. In other words, typical liberal.

Early life Edit

Bill Clinton was born to a nurse and a salesman. His father died and then the mother remarried, meanwhile Clinton went to school and learned how to lie to people. He attended Oxford in the Nanny State and then went to law school but he decided to be a politician instead of doing something honorable with his degree like joining JAG. You are an idiot if this surprises you because thats how libs are. He actually did the opposite of military service and dodged the draft to go to Canada and smoke pot without inhaling. Also during this time he made an unholy alliance with Hilary Rodham where they both promised to serve the interests of the reptilians and the Illuminati. 

Governor Edit

Eventually Clinton became governer, which was a good opportunity for him to rape and pillage all the women in Arkansas like the vikings. Clinton would pressure women into sex and then have troopers and staff cover it up. He would then threaten the women that if they ever told he would make them disappear like anyone else who tried to bring him up on a charge or otherwise messed with him. Vince Foster found this out the hard way.

Presidential run Edit

Eventually Clinton decided he wanted to have affairs with women from all over America and NOT just Arkansas so he ran for president against George HW Bush. Like most democrats Clinton had no actual plan for what he would do as president, but instead tried to appeal to young voters by showing them how "cool" he was. He went on the Arsenio Hall show and played saxophone like he was freakin John Coltrane or something. It was really embarassing but libs ate it up and considered him there Messiah. However Clinton was still headed towards a huge loss except then Ross Perot decided to run. Perot was able to steal around 19% of the vote which would have gone towards Bush and Clinton was able to win in this cowardly way.

Presidency Edit

Upon becoming president, Clinton launched a war against the right wing freedom lovers of America and specifically the right to bear arms. He had patroit Randy Weavers family killed, and then told Janet Reno to go on a rampage in Waco and raid or otherwise destroy there compound, killing women and children, and just about anything thats walked or crawled at one time or another. All because they dared to exercise there second commandment rights.

Gays Edit

He said "dont ask dont tell" which means that fudge packers can now be in the military as long as they pretend to be straight. Wow, thats even worse. Now you dont know weather the guy your sharing a foxhole with wants to turn YOU into his personal foxhole. Thanks to Clinton, people in the military now have something to be scared of on the battlefield.

War Edit

Clinton would see hawks calling for war and he realized this would be a good way to distract people from what a pervert he is. So he literally wagged the dog and bombed a bunch of brown people. Typical liberal.

Sexual misconduct Edit

In his marriage Clinton was no saint, and he disgraced himself and America with his sexual shenanigans. Chief among those was his affair with Monica Lewinsky. On a scale of 1-10 a normal guy would rate her MAYBE a 3, but Clinton was the first Black president so he abhorred skinny girls and instead preferred them heavy (thats how they are). Clinton invited her to his office one night and then said "come here doll". Finding herself alone and frightened, Lewinsky had no choice but to submit. Linda Tripp recorded it all on her phone and could hear Lewinsky breathe moan and pant. Her screaming was the final nail in the coffin and proved Clinton was having sexual relations with that women. He apologized to Hilary saying that he had been galactically stupid and would she please forgive him, but Hilary reminded him this was a sham marriage anyway and the end goal is for them to consolidate power at behest of George Soros and the New World Order.

Inpeachment Edit

Eventually Kenneth Starr was able to put all the clues together like Peter Falk on Columbo. He presented his evidence and Congress voted to inpeach before the Supreme Court. They called forward witnesses like Paula Jones who said she would testify to Clinton's giant [censored] along with several other women who said Clinton had assualted them in hotel rooms, the oval office or on his jet. Finally Clinton was asked if he had illeagally lied under oath and he said it depends on what youre definition of is is, and got off on a loophole because Scalia couldnt find a 1776 edition dictionary that defined "is". They couldnt prosecute him again because of double jeopardy and diplomatic immunity, however public opinion had spoken and Clinton's presidency was deemed a bigger disaster then the Titanic. He was also disbarred which meant no more picking up women at bars.

Post presidency Edit

Clinton was such an embarassment that Al Gore did NOT want his help against Texan cowboy George W. Bush in the 2000 election. Clinton had a great idea on how they could gloss over his bad press by bringing the race card in Al Gore would be able to win using white guilt which has frightening parallels with how Obama was elected. However Gore was a such a raving lunatic envirowhacko that everyone hated him anyway and the looser was only able to get 49 or 50% of the popular vote while Bush got the lions share of the votes. Clinton then retired to New York where his wife became Senator and he resumed being a cheating spouse.

Personal life Edit

In his personal life Clinton still enjoys big women, he likes to invite them over while Hilarys gone and then play "Get Buck in Here" while watching shorty bust it to the ground like she aint got manners to much booty for one man to handle when all he needs is a one night scandal. Then they ride him like a bronco and he later denies he had sexual relations with them. He also likes McDonalds.

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